So my little baby boy turned 1 first week of October, and he has changed much and fast. And I couldn't be a prouder mother.
He has learned a lot, and although he doesn't have the guts to walk without holding our hands yet, he's become such an intelligent little human being! It's amazing how he learns things by himself. The best part of my day is when I catch him doing something I didn't think he could.
I still miss the days when he was just a tiny little blog of fat and love (haha! he'll hate me once he's able to read this) but of course, I love the boy he's growing up to be. It's a fun journey being a parent.
As to my aspect of this metamorphosis, the changes that occurred in my life are amazing too. Getting up earlier in the day without feeling drowsy -- oh, could it be? i'm slowly becoming a morning person! haha! -- and trying new things, for example, are things that make me feel refreshed and as if I'm finally living my life. Why do I say it like that? Because honestly, when I started having a family I thought my capabilities would be sized down. Nadah!
I started doing driving lessons. Yeah it might sound a little late for some people, learning how to drive at the age of 21. But my parents didn't allow me to go to driving school when I was younger. So it's a big thing for me! It's good to learn something again after graduating college. So there are new additions, still, to my knowledge bracket and skills. Also, I was planning to finally apply for work since my kid turned one, and it seemed like he was fine without his mother being around all the time... but apparently that is false...
He's actually become more attached to me and has not stopped relying on breastmilk... so there you have it. No job for me. Haha! Although, I think postponing that plan isn't such a bad idea with Christmas coming along, so my work schedule doesn't take me away from my family. So i'll just use the time to work on my baby's independence.
I also gotta say that at this point in the little guy's life, we as parents can pretty much tell who are friends for keeps and are always gonna be there for him... Word of advice: Those who kept saying they'll visit you at the hospital when you were pregnant but never showed, are not people you should keep in your circle of friends. Or those who said that they wanna be your kid's godparents and love your kid like he's their own but never bother to visit him or ask you out so they can see him.. yeah, same story. You don't have to wait more than a couple'a months to figure out who's who.
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BTW, why don't we say a little prayer for the victims of calamity in the southern Philippines... 7.2 earthquake recently took a lot of lives. :(
Wednesday, October 16, 2013
Friday, February 15, 2013
We are Us
We had separate identities when we were younger and didn't know each other.
he was what i would call a free spirit, and i was ... a broken one.
the point is, we had individuality like most kids do. i guess you can refer to it as teenage angst.
and when we met each other, our personalities were different again, more mature, more grounded.
the identity crisis fully overcome.
and then we learned more & more about one another, from one another, and for one another.
we grew together, and now i can barely see who i used to be, or who i wished to be. there are remnants of what i grew up with, a fundament, the core of me. that's still there.
i guess that's what will always remain, no matter who you are to meet and be with because
people can only change you so much.
now there is more of his attributes in me. and more of me in who he has become.
we have become one, what we call 'us'.
Try to be Good
You can't show everyone who you really are.
I'd say I can't show everyone my kindness. Although, I'd like to... since most people know me as an ill-tempered one. And as many have told me, I give off the impression that I'm stingy.
I mean, seriously, one should be able to blame one's facial structure or feature for the way people judge you. But I'm not stingy, and I try not to be.
I'd love to be someone little children would initially deem a nice lady.
Truth is, I can be very patient, and be helpful to great extents. Sometimes I can even be generous. I'm not praising myself here. I just want to describe myself from the personal eye.
Anyway, but whose bubble doesn't burst when his humility is stepped on?
There are even times when I try to be kind even then. Because I am a woman of faith. And also, because I have come across the phrase, "Benefit of the doubt", and I have tried to apply it countless times.
But I guess I can also say that what made it even easier for me to give someone the benefit of the doubt is a little thought called "innate goodness". Don't you think people were all originally uncorrupted? We are not savage animals.
If someone pisses me off, I make up excuses for them. I have to note here, though, that it has not always been a good idea to do that for someone, especially if the person is (plainly stated): a real douchebag. But all the other times, it works.
I think if the situation was the other way around, I'd want someone to imagine being in my shoes too, that's IF I was pissed myself and couldn't help but take it out on the world, because I'm a total douche. Right?
I am simply saying that it is helping me be less grumpy or cranky. It's like follow-up rehab after going to Church (since that's where you learn all this stuff mostly if not through really good, really rare, and TONS of books). And I know I won't ever be able to conquer the world with my little acts of kindness, or show people that I'm not as bad as they think I am... but maybe by doing so, people will eventually remember me as a nice person.
Monday, January 14, 2013
You are your computer
Tough times these days. Can't get enough alone time (meaning blog time), and no stable internet connection.
Not really complaining, just saying.
I could start writing plain old school, on paper, whenever wherever and then just post it online some other time, but I don't much find the time to do that either. So I am seizing the opportunity.
Quoting my FB statuses earlier today (for future reference):
"Everything most people do today is quote others, or if not that, they listen in on conversations and approve or disapprove. Their minds barely get exercised anymore. Copying, liking and sharing, rephrasing, retweeting, repinning, reposting... The internet is making machines out of us.
Blogs used to be like journals and now they are full of other people's opinions resulting in less discourse in the world. Where is your own idea, your own say in the matter?"
It's essential to be alone sometimes. Where do you think Introverts get their ideas from? The term isn't an insult. I'd gladly be one if it meant I had always something smart to say. ;)
***notice that it's the 2nd time I mention introverts in my blog. I think I might be obsessed with 'em. LOL nahh.
"I think people should just stay home one random weekend or cancel all the useless tedious plans on a free weekday, you know, isolate themselves.
Instead of doing the usual partying, movie marathon, or sitting in front of the machine, get up early one Sunday, have a cup of coffee or tea, watch the sun come up and let your thoughts go from there. You might surprise yourself with ideas that might seem worthy to mention the next time you're out."
Like I said, alone time, man. I still have those moments from time to time but I never find myself with a means to put down my thoughts. You know, I read once that $3 million ideas usually come at 3 a.m. HAHA!
So you best keep a notepad and pen on your night stand. But that's just a gist. I need one at all times. They're so random, I think I'm losing $3 million dollars over three times a day. Just kidding!
Not really complaining, just saying.
I could start writing plain old school, on paper, whenever wherever and then just post it online some other time, but I don't much find the time to do that either. So I am seizing the opportunity.
Quoting my FB statuses earlier today (for future reference):
"Everything most people do today is quote others, or if not that, they listen in on conversations and approve or disapprove. Their minds barely get exercised anymore. Copying, liking and sharing, rephrasing, retweeting, repinning, reposting... The internet is making machines out of us.
Blogs used to be like journals and now they are full of other people's opinions resulting in less discourse in the world. Where is your own idea, your own say in the matter?"
It's essential to be alone sometimes. Where do you think Introverts get their ideas from? The term isn't an insult. I'd gladly be one if it meant I had always something smart to say. ;)
***notice that it's the 2nd time I mention introverts in my blog. I think I might be obsessed with 'em. LOL nahh.
"I think people should just stay home one random weekend or cancel all the useless tedious plans on a free weekday, you know, isolate themselves.
Instead of doing the usual partying, movie marathon, or sitting in front of the machine, get up early one Sunday, have a cup of coffee or tea, watch the sun come up and let your thoughts go from there. You might surprise yourself with ideas that might seem worthy to mention the next time you're out."
Like I said, alone time, man. I still have those moments from time to time but I never find myself with a means to put down my thoughts. You know, I read once that $3 million ideas usually come at 3 a.m. HAHA!
So you best keep a notepad and pen on your night stand. But that's just a gist. I need one at all times. They're so random, I think I'm losing $3 million dollars over three times a day. Just kidding!
Thursday, July 19, 2012
Liebe auf den Ersten Blick
As any teenage mom, I honestly did not take the surprise of my pregnancy well (even though at 20, you could call it pretty legal).
But that was because of other people's expectations of me. I myself did not have any for me. I was giving up back then... on school and my future. I wanted to take a break from everything. I was out of focus.
Yet when my mother's OB-G (and family friend) told us to forget about abortion, I was the first to be convinced. And I drew courage from her words, even if my mother was stubborn for a little while longer.
I am glad we are Christian.
That same day I first saw our little sweetheart, Kadence (name still incomplete). I had my first ultrasound.
He was already existing for 2 months. I saw his form, his movement, heard his heart beat. I think I fell in love at first sight :)
It may not sound charming but I am being truthful. From that day on, I became dedicated to my pregnancy and I am happier than when I wasn't pregnant.
I don't care what people think. I am telling the world that my child is my happiness, and so is my lover, Kurt, and that alone is enough inspiration for me to keep wanting to live.
***If you were wondering what the title of this entry means, it's "Love at First Sight" in German. Prost!
But that was because of other people's expectations of me. I myself did not have any for me. I was giving up back then... on school and my future. I wanted to take a break from everything. I was out of focus.
Yet when my mother's OB-G (and family friend) told us to forget about abortion, I was the first to be convinced. And I drew courage from her words, even if my mother was stubborn for a little while longer.
I am glad we are Christian.
That same day I first saw our little sweetheart, Kadence (name still incomplete). I had my first ultrasound.
He was already existing for 2 months. I saw his form, his movement, heard his heart beat. I think I fell in love at first sight :)
It may not sound charming but I am being truthful. From that day on, I became dedicated to my pregnancy and I am happier than when I wasn't pregnant.
I don't care what people think. I am telling the world that my child is my happiness, and so is my lover, Kurt, and that alone is enough inspiration for me to keep wanting to live.
***If you were wondering what the title of this entry means, it's "Love at First Sight" in German. Prost!
Thursday, July 5, 2012
introverts and art
My boyfriend, Kurt, posted The Stranger's Confessions of an Extreme Introvert on Facebook, and after I read it, I realized more about him, and more about myself.
I am not an extreme introvert, neither am I an introvert. He is, but also not extreme.
I think we both used to be slightly like the girl in the mentioned blog... I changed (if that's even possible -- maybe I wasn't an introvert in the first place, but just really mistaken) and he just learned to embrace his extroversion (if that's even possible, too -- being both extra and introvert).
When Kurt is too long out of his comfort zone, he tends to tire. I might have been like that, but not physically exhausted, just bored of what I'm not used to doing.
I used to enjoy solitude, until it became damaging. But I still long for it at times.
There were days when I could fill entire sketchpad pages and half of my school notes with doodles, and words, lyrics, or really expressive illustrations... I used to make a lot of poems, that I wanted to morph into songs one day. In that state, I was more inspired, somehow, because whenever I try to doodle out of boredom, I am not as satisfied with the outcome. I tell myself "I know I am capable of sketching that down better than this, I know I have before." And I can't bring myself to fill the page. So I surmise it's not a hobby, not a skill, but something that is born out of real concentration, which introverts constantly attain, and which I now only attain when I sit somewhere in silence for quite some time, focusing on things happening around me. All the other times, I am very distracted.
By the way, Kurt wrote a lot of good songs -- I wish I had a professional recording device, or studio to make him famous, because his songs are pure love and awesomeness -- and I get all excited when he's working on a new one. But recently he says he can't come up with anything good.
What I am thinking is that true introverts are the real artists, and if they are disturbed, and forced to become extroverts, they don't produce the same genius things. I think that's their significance, and I would sit in silence for one whole day with Kurt, if it meant he would come up with more songs, poetry or perhaps, drawings.
I am not an extreme introvert, neither am I an introvert. He is, but also not extreme.
I think we both used to be slightly like the girl in the mentioned blog... I changed (if that's even possible -- maybe I wasn't an introvert in the first place, but just really mistaken) and he just learned to embrace his extroversion (if that's even possible, too -- being both extra and introvert).
When Kurt is too long out of his comfort zone, he tends to tire. I might have been like that, but not physically exhausted, just bored of what I'm not used to doing.
I used to enjoy solitude, until it became damaging. But I still long for it at times.
There were days when I could fill entire sketchpad pages and half of my school notes with doodles, and words, lyrics, or really expressive illustrations... I used to make a lot of poems, that I wanted to morph into songs one day. In that state, I was more inspired, somehow, because whenever I try to doodle out of boredom, I am not as satisfied with the outcome. I tell myself "I know I am capable of sketching that down better than this, I know I have before." And I can't bring myself to fill the page. So I surmise it's not a hobby, not a skill, but something that is born out of real concentration, which introverts constantly attain, and which I now only attain when I sit somewhere in silence for quite some time, focusing on things happening around me. All the other times, I am very distracted.
By the way, Kurt wrote a lot of good songs -- I wish I had a professional recording device, or studio to make him famous, because his songs are pure love and awesomeness -- and I get all excited when he's working on a new one. But recently he says he can't come up with anything good.
What I am thinking is that true introverts are the real artists, and if they are disturbed, and forced to become extroverts, they don't produce the same genius things. I think that's their significance, and I would sit in silence for one whole day with Kurt, if it meant he would come up with more songs, poetry or perhaps, drawings.
Saturday, June 30, 2012
Comfort World
This would be my comfort zone, were it real
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If I could make my own little community, it would have meadows and gardens or parks with playgrounds, trees and flowers, even if it was a city. The sun would be beautiful and bright but not hot. Blue sky filled with fluffy clouds, and a steady breeze. The evening sky would be filled with stars.
There would be a bakery, a coffee shop, a grocery store, a library or book store, and a mall, all only a few blocks away. It would be safe enough to just walk to these places. A few bars for nightlife too, not too rowdy but fun.
My workplace would be farther beyond the shops, but less than an hour drive away. So would a school and a hospital be.
It would always be in a safe distance from home. So I could take my time getting off work, not in a rush to avoid heavy traffic.
My house would be a two-storey one with front and back yards, or a simple modern flat with a terrace and a nice view of the parks.
The people living on the same street as me would know one another, and exchange friendly greetings on weekend mornings when checking the mail, or having coffee on the porch, or when someone jogs by, when everyone is just wanting to relax.
A train would track along the cities, connecting them. Beautiful preserved landscape, and the view of a vast lake or river (where the people can also go swimming, fishing, boating, or camping) on the way to visiting a relative on the other side of the country.
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If I could make my own little community, it would have meadows and gardens or parks with playgrounds, trees and flowers, even if it was a city. The sun would be beautiful and bright but not hot. Blue sky filled with fluffy clouds, and a steady breeze. The evening sky would be filled with stars.
There would be a bakery, a coffee shop, a grocery store, a library or book store, and a mall, all only a few blocks away. It would be safe enough to just walk to these places. A few bars for nightlife too, not too rowdy but fun.
My workplace would be farther beyond the shops, but less than an hour drive away. So would a school and a hospital be.
It would always be in a safe distance from home. So I could take my time getting off work, not in a rush to avoid heavy traffic.
My house would be a two-storey one with front and back yards, or a simple modern flat with a terrace and a nice view of the parks.
The people living on the same street as me would know one another, and exchange friendly greetings on weekend mornings when checking the mail, or having coffee on the porch, or when someone jogs by, when everyone is just wanting to relax.
A train would track along the cities, connecting them. Beautiful preserved landscape, and the view of a vast lake or river (where the people can also go swimming, fishing, boating, or camping) on the way to visiting a relative on the other side of the country.
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