Me time

What I hate the most is not getting relaxation when I think I have earned it...
But I also want to frequently relax for my baby's sake. He's not yet born... and I think when I'm miserable he gets affected.

Yet everything, and everyone is not helping at all.
Top of the list is the thing about my family splitting apart... (see previous entry). I know that even if I'm not constantly making thoughts about it since I already got it off my chest, the weight of it lingers.

Next is, I am currently doing my on-the-job training for school, and the work I get is office work, (fortunately not work that requires me to move around a lot) but it's stressful, and not exactly healthy.
I work with machines, so there' no escape from radiation. I already stopped using the Photocopy machine, and work with the scanner... but what difference does that really make?
The traffic going to and fro from work is also terrible, and strenuous.

I feel so worn out. I haven't had a real vacation from school since last year. I enrolled in every consecutive semester. No summer breaks. Just 2-week sem-break filled with assignments.

Also, there's a lot of people always up on my grill.
My mother is still nagging me, despite the distance, and doesn't think about the timing when she tells me bad news.
The maid at the place I'm staying at has a personality that I'm in the least way fond of, but I have no other place to stay at the moment. Plus there's so many people in this freaking city that are just so rude and inconsiderate, I am having a hard time using public transport, and sometimes feeling pain, which worries me the most. I pray a lot and apologize a lot to my baby because I don't know if I'm hurting him or anything...

Then I find out I disappoint the person I love, when I thought I was doing everything right. The circumstances keep bringing me down, and there's a lot more little fuss related to my pregnancy which I try to leave out, since there's already too much to fret about.

Obviously not a lot of good stuff going on right now.
Why do people not think about my pregnancy, and how hard it is? Do I not deserve to be treated a little better, since I'm carrying a baby inside me?

My life is moving too fast for me, and I think for the little one as well... I'm feeling awful, and like a terrible mother... Because I can't even just settle down on a Friday evening, and enjoy my weekend, and listen to classical music with him. If only I could have complete solitude like this, for an entire week... I'm not really trying too hard at all, but I can't get anything done. I need more time for myself.

The thing I want the most right this instant is to make my baby feel better than I do, but I have to stop crying first.